My life revolves around the deepest abysmal plains of my mind. I can’t do much but adhere to the supremacy of a non physical world trying to balance it with the worldly realm. I’m in my mid twenties now, I have defied the laws of nature many times. I fell in love many times, because it was more than a complex chemical reaction, as Rick emphasizes.
I have beaten death’s deadly butt , of the most bemoaning times of my presence in a conspicuous world of Maya, an immutable ignis fatuus. Watching Rick and Morty turned me more into a staunch follower of a philosophy that says nothing is worth cherishing and everything is pointless. But, that tricks my head sometimes. When I’m asleep, I dream through an REM state. I certainly feel my body moving through in the dream. It is as if I’m two different people depending on the nature of my thoughts. And when I’m awake, I become conscious, just like I was in the dream. So, tell me, is it dual nature or is everything an illusion? I would have sleep paralysis occasionally, which I thought, was an indication that I’d be long gone before I’d even realize. But this frowzy haze has undeniably convinced me that I should just subsume this affliction, what people term as “life”.
So, to satisfy this devilish crux which was etched in my nerves, possibly replacing the red blood cells, I opened the wardrobe, where laid the blades and other proofs of a failed conspiracy.
13 years ago, I picked up a razor from a store, slit my wrist because, nothing was ever making sense. It healed. I thought it’d be a great idea to save some of my own weapons, now mere souvenirs, as a symbol of progress, which would help me understand the reason behind that demonic reverence, contrary to how life should be perceived as. ‘To err is human and to forgive divine” was proved to be wrong.
A tear rolled down the cheek, while staring at the blood stains and dried black roses while I tried to end it all back then. Was it tear of happiness, because I was persistent in finishing this blockade? Or was it a tear of hope, yelling at me for trying more? I have no idea. The drudgery never seems to end, as ever. And I just exist, as a flesh, with no purpose absolutely, just staring blankly into the skies hoping that the inner screams would be heard by a Supreme one, if there existed any.
I have just learnt to embrace and be a part of this baleful spree. I will persist. No, I doubt if this perseverance would ever perish.